The Swan SG People
by Kristen
Summary: SG people doing another fairytale. Please R


Kristen: Hello minna! Welcome to another Stargate: SG-1 fairytale fanfic! Isn't it wonderful?  
  
Silence. A lone cricket is heard.  
  
Aden: Exactly how much sugar did you put in your tea today?  
  
Kristen: Nani?  
  
Aden: You're too awake. Now just let them read the fic or I'll tell Speedy that you're awake.  
  
Kristen: Fine, fine. I hope you enjoy the fic and the usual disclaimer. I only own myself, Aden, and Speedy. The rest belongs to a couple of geniuses. Have fun!  
  
  
The scene opens to the SGC Briefing room. Everyone is sitting around reading papers.  
  
"Another fic?"  
  
"When will the hurting end?"  
  
(Kristen walks into the room, followed (more like dragged ^_^) by Klorel.)  
  
"Can we start this fic already? I've got a lot of writing to do!"  
  
"I suppose."  
  
"Good. ROLE CALL!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Could you yell any louder?"  
  
"Shut up Jack."  
  
Princess- Sam  
  
Stepmother- Apothis  
  
Narrator- Jack  
  
1 King- Gen. Carter  
  
2 King- Gen. Hammond  
  
One whom Kristen stalks- Klorel  
  
Brother 1- Teal'c  
  
2- Daniel  
  
3- Janet  
  
4- Nareem  
  
5- Bra'tac  
  
Prince- Martouf  
  
"Begin."  
  
Fine, tea addict. Once upon a time, there lived a King.  
  
"Ooh. A King. Who'd ever expect that?"  
  
Don't make me get medieval, Daniel. AS I was saying, there lived a King. The King had 5 sons...  
  
"Hey. I'm Daniel."  
  
"The second son."  
  
Hey Teal'c, since when did you get an ego?  
  
"I am the first son. When the King dies, all the power goes to me."  
  
True.  
  
" Then I will have enough power to challenge the System Lords and defeat them. All Jaffa will then be free. We will enslave the Goa'uld just as they have enslaved us. It shall be a memorable day for future generations.   
  
Okay. Nice plan.  
  
"So? You know what they say. First the worst, second the best, and third the nerd."  
  
"HEY!"  
  
But Janet...  
  
"Don't you even say anything, Col."  
  
...  
  
"Good."  
  
Hey! Exactly how did you get to be one of the brothers?  
  
" A woman can be anything she wants to be, you know."  
  
True Sam. But normally the role of a guy is usually played by a guy.  
  
"He does have a point."  
  
"Stay out of this Bra'tac!"  
  
"WOULD YOU SHUT UP ALREADY!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"We're trying to play Twister over here. Would you spin the frelling thing already, Sokar."  
  
"Right hand yellow."  
  
"You're going down Klorel."  
  
"I don't think so."  
  
Kristen, Klorel, and Sokar playing Twister. Again, the nightmares.  
  
"Would you just do the play!"  
  
Fine. Back to the story. Along with his 5 sons, he also had a daughter.  
  
"Bet you can't guess which one the favorite is."  
  
"Bite me Daniel."  
  
Sadly, the King was a widow. His wife had died just shortly after Sam was born.  
  
"Murderer."  
  
"Boot to the head."  
  
"Wha?"  
  
*shoomp*  
  
"OW!! MY FACE!! MY GLASSES!!!! I'M IN PAIN!!!!!!!"  
  
"What did I tell you about beating up your brothers?"  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"That's better."  
  
Eventually the King remarried. While he seemed happy with his wife, the kids hated her as she hated them. They never gave her any respect. Neither did she. The kids would always play cruel pranks on her.  
  
"Wait till she sees the Unas in her closet. That always works."  
  
How on Earth did you get an Unas to cooperate with you?  
  
"Remember that one Unas who became alpha male?"  
  
Yeah?  
  
"Let's just say I called in favors and leave it at that."  
  
Must..resist...comment. *WHACK* OW!!!! (picks up a puck) WHO THE HELL DID THIS?!!  
  
"Hey! You mind returning the puck? We're trying to play some air hockey here."  
  
"I believe I get to redo that shot."  
  
"Nani? No frelling way!"  
  
Disturbing. Definitely disturbing. Anywho. Eventually the King got fed up with the kids attitudes.  
  
"You will apologize to your mother this instant."  
  
"It's not like she's our real mother."  
  
"I must concur Father."  
  
"As must I Carter of Tokra."  
  
"No. Sam killed our real mother."  
  
"BOOT TO THE HEAD"  
  
*shoomp*  
  
"OW!!! MY FACE!!!!! MY CUTE LOVABLE FACE!!!!!!!"  
  
"SAM!"  
  
"Sorry Daniel."  
  
"Regardless of what you think, she will be your mother. Now apologize."  
  
"Fine."  
  
"You wished to talk to me?"  
  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"HOLY SYSTEM LORDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"DEAR FALSE GODS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"FOR THE LOVE OF ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"HOLY HANNAH!!!!!!"  
  
"What are you guys screaming about?"  
  
(Daniel jumps in Jack's arms.)  
  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"WOULD YOU SHUT UP?"  
  
Sorry Kristen. Just got caught up in the moment.  
  
"Uh-huh. I'm sure. Now why were you all screaming?"  
  
"Him." *points at Apothis, who just happens to be wearing a pink frilly dress, red, curly wig, and a neon pink, sparkly bow.*  
  
"Fine. Apothis and Janet come with me."  
  
(They exit the room. A moment later they return in different costumes.)  
  
"Okay. Janet is now the stepmother and Apothis is brother no. 3. Any questions?"  
  
(A lone cricket makes it's debut sound.)  
  
"Good."  
  
"Would you hurry up? We're late for our fencing contest."  
  
I never thought I'd live to see Skaara in a fencing outfit.   
  
(A.N: Klorel/Skaara in fencing outfit. *drool* ^_^ )  
  
Okay, continuing now. Soon the Queen began to grow weary of her stepkids. She began devising a plan so as to eliminate them. But the King found out her plans. Fearing for his kids lives, he did the only thing he could think of.  
  
"You're sticking us in the middle of the forest with no form of civilization? And you expect me to take care of everyone?"  
  
"That's the plan."  
  
"Damnit Dad. I'm a scientist, not a housekeeper."  
  
"I don't care. Either way you're staying there."  
  
"Fine."  
  
So the King, with great grief, left his kids in a cottage, in the middle of the forest, with no form of civilization.  
  
"You must be our new neighbors. You are so young."  
  
Wait. I was wrong. You've got the Nox.  
  
"THAT WAS A FOWL SHOT!"  
  
"NO WAY! THAT SHOT WAS TOTALLY LEGIT!"  
  
"I WANT A SECOND OPINION!"  
  
"Hey Nox lady. Could you referee for our badminton game?"  
  
"I'd be happy to."  
  
"Cool."  
  
Moving on. Before departing, the King gave his kids some very important instructions.  
  
"Okay. Now I'm gonna leave you guys here, okay? So I want you to behave. And that means no beating up your brothers, Sam."  
  
"Fine."  
  
"You'll know it's me visiting when I throw this string down that hill. Otherwise, run. Have fun."  
  
For many weeks, the kids lived in the cottage. Hey, why aren't you in the cottage?  
  
"Because Sam threw us out. She only let's us in at night."  
  
Um..why?  
  
"She doesn't want us messing up her lab."  
  
Oh.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Well, in between visits from their father, the kids enjoyed their leisure time. Sam worked in her lab. Teal'c and Bra'tac meditated. Daniel, Nareem, and Apothis argued about whose world is better.  
  
"Our world has the most advanced technology."  
  
"I beg to differ, but my technology is more advanced."  
  
"Yeah right. You stole it all."  
  
"Oh, yeah. My world is the base world from which many worlds populations were created."  
  
"He's got a point."  
  
"Kinda."  
  
The Queen eventually caught on to the King's deceit and began devising a plan.  
  
"Knew it wouldn't last. Soon the hurting will begin."  
  
A little paranoid are we Danny?  
  
"Just a tad. With these fanfic writers, you never know."  
  
True. One day, she followed the King as he visited his kids. She noted the way he threw string down the hill and how the kids came out when they saw it. She then waited until the King left.  
  
"Took him long enough."  
  
Several moments after their father left, they saw the string again.  
  
"Must've forgotten something."  
  
"You'd think that Selmak would've reminded him."  
  
But instead of seeing their father, they saw the Queen.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Would you stop screaming Daniel?  
  
"Sorry. Horrible memories."  
  
"HEY!"  
  
True. *crash, thump* GAHHHHHHH! GET OFF ME!  
  
"Sorry."  
  
What are you doing?  
  
"Playing tackle football."  
  
I thought you hated football.  
  
"I do."  
  
Then why are you playing it?  
  
"Tackle football with Klorel. Nuff said."  
  
Good. I really don't need anymore nightmares.  
  
"Fine. TOUCHDOWN!!!!!!!"  
  
I think that I'll continue with the story now.  
  
"About time."  
  
So, the kids knew what their father had said about not trusting their mother."  
  
"STEPmother. Sam killed our real mother."  
  
"BOOT TO THE HEAD."  
  
*shoomp*  
  
"GAWD!!!! MY CUTE DIMPLES!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Wherever did you learn that, Sam?  
  
"Jolinar's memories."  
  
Figures. AS I was saying. They decided to risk the Queen and talk to her.  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
"Why I brought you some tea to drink."  
  
"Oh, okay."  
  
Whilst the others drank their tea, Sam did not. For she did not trust Janet.  
  
"Well, duh."  
  
All of a sudden, her brothers turned into swans.  
  
"Bet you can't guess which one's Apothis. I'll give you three guesses and the first two don't count."  
  
Could it be the one with the gold metal plate?  
  
"You are correct."  
  
"Hey! I'm trying to get rid of you and your brothers. Ya mind?"  
  
Sorry.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Better. Now it's your turn to become a swan."  
  
"Not a chance."  
  
Seeing the danger that she was in, Sam decided to run away.  
  
" Run away? Get with the times."  
  
Where'd you get that motorcycle?  
  
"Built it."  
  
Oh. Anyway, Sam rode her bike to the local Stargate, that just so happened to be activated.  
  
"Freedom."  
  
You forget something?  
  
"No. Not really."  
  
How about your brothers?  
  
"I suppose I should save them."  
Good. As Sam rode back to save her siblings, her Stepmother gave her some instructions.  
  
"If you want to save your brothers, you must first take a vow of silence for one year."  
  
"A whole year?"  
  
"Yes. And if you even mutter a word, you'll ruin all chances of saving your brothers."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Then you must make them each a shirt using the leaves of a naquadah tree and give them the shirts on the full moon of the last night of the year. You're challenge starts now."  
  
So Sam grabbed her swan brothers and rode through the Stargate. Eventually she arrived on another planet that was a forest. Seeing as the danger has passed, she built a new lab in the middle of the forest. Passers always regarded her as the weird lady with the swans.  
  
"..."  
  
You too. Months passed and she never spoke or muttered a single word. One day, Prince Martouf was strolling by in the forest.  
  
"More like running."  
  
*insert staff weapons blasting things*  
  
What exactly did you do now?  
  
"Stole Heru'er's tap dancing shoes. (I think that's how you spell his name. I   
forget.)  
  
Oh. Do I even want to know?  
  
"Probably not."  
  
Okay. Well, trying to lose the Jaffa, Martouf stumbled upon Sam's lab.   
  
"Hi. Please pardon my intrusion upon your home. May I please hide here for a few moments?  
  
Sign----Sure  
  
Several moments passed and the Jaffa disappeared. Where'd they go?  
  
"We needed teammates for Capture the Flag."  
  
"Your flag will fall."  
  
"Like Hades it will."  
  
Uh, yeah. So Prince Martouf was out of danger.  
  
"That was close."  
  
You can say that?   
  
"Yeah."  
  
Upon realizing that the immediate danger was over, the Prince then noticed who his savior was. He was immediately bedazzled by her.  
  
"Hello. I am Prince Martouf. Whom might you be?"  
  
sign----Sam  
  
"Can you not speak?"  
  
sign----What's it to you?  
  
"What?"  
  
sign----Why do you want to know?  
  
"No reason. None at all."  
  
Sign----Okay  
  
Knowing that he was expected back at his castle, the Prince also knew he could not stand to part with Sam. So he did the only thing he could think of.  
  
"Want to come live with me? You can get a bigger lab and more advanced technology."  
  
How come you never offered us anything like that?  
  
"You are not Samantha."  
  
Good point.  
  
"So, what do you say?"  
  
sign----Sure. Why not?  
  
As they were leaving, Martouf noticed 5 swans following them.  
  
"Why are those swans following us?"  
  
sign----Those are my pets. Bet you can't guess which one Daniel is.  
  
Is it the one sneezing his head off?  
  
Sign----Yes  
  
"Oh. Let's go."  
  
So they headed to the Stargate and went through, only to emerge as SGC. This is your castle?  
  
"Yup."  
  
Strange. As they emerged, they were greeted by Gen. Hammond.  
  
"Welcome back son."  
  
"Greetings Father."  
  
"Who's this?"  
  
sign----Sam  
  
"She saved my life."  
  
"That's good to know, but can't she speak?"  
  
sign----Let's not go into this. Okay?  
  
"Okay. I think."  
  
While the King was coming to terms with the new arrival, the swans came.  
  
"Hey! How you doing?"  
  
Daniel, what are you doing here? Where are the swans?  
  
"We had to get rid of them."  
  
Why?  
  
"Because they kept attacking the airmen."  
  
Oh. So now you have to wear those costumes and act like swans?  
  
"That's the plan."  
  
Sign----Bet you can't guess which one Bra'tac is.  
  
The one talking to Hammond while waving a feathered arm over his head?  
  
Sign----You are correct.  
  
Yeah. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Who's throwing the salt?  
  
"Sorry."  
  
What are you doing now?  
  
"Sumo wrestling."  
  
Okay. But you do realize that Klorel is a bit bigger that you are?   
  
(A.N: For those wondering, both Klorel and I are wearing black tank tops and black pants. ^_^ )  
  
"Are you ready to be defeated?"  
  
"I don't think so."  
  
This should be interesting.   
  
*shmack*   
  
"That's gonna leave a mark."  
  
I think they're feel that in the morning. Should we continue?  
  
"Let's."  
  
After the greetings were over with, the King decided to introduce Sam to his wife. Like Sam, Martouf's mother had died just after he was born. So some time ago, the King remarried.  
  
"You mean he killed his mom just like Sam did?"  
  
sign----Boot to the head.  
  
*shoomp*  
  
"MY ADORABLE FACE!!!!!!!! GAWD!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Found a way to overcome the silence?  
  
Sign----Don't you just love loopholes?  
  
Uh, yeah. As the Queen entered the gate room, Sam recognized her. It was Janet.  
  
"Damnit."  
  
Bad Daniel! It turned out that the Queen had killed Sam's father.  
  
"Like mother...  
  
sign----Don't even.  
  
"Okay! Please don't hurt my cute, loveable face."  
  
Some time passed and Sam decided to make the shirts.  
  
Sign----So much for peace.  
  
Then why are you trying to break the spell?  
  
Sign----Apothis kept giving me puppy eyes. It was disturbing.  
  
Oh. Martouf began to grow close to Sam. So, he got his father's blessing and asked her to marry him. She agreed and they were soon wed. Unfortunately the Queen had other plans. She arranged for Sam to be accused of witchcraft. On the morning of the last day of the year, she set her plan to action.  
  
"SHE'S A WITCH! A WITCH I TELL YOU!"  
  
"On what grounds do you accuse my wife?"  
  
"She turned me into a frog."  
  
"You're not a frog."  
  
"I got better."  
  
So the Queen began showing evidence that Sam was a witch.  
  
"Gee, I wonder how that got there? *innocent whistle*"  
  
sign----I bet you'd know Janet.  
  
Much to Martouf's disbelief, he had to consider the evidence. So he had Sam arrested and set the time for her to burn at midnight.  
  
"What a coincidence."  
  
Ya thinks? Sam sat in her cell working on the shirts. Even as she was being tied to the stake, she was working on the shirts.  
  
Sign----You mind? I'm almost finished.  
  
Sorry. As they tied her up, the Queen walked out.  
  
"Told you I'd win."  
  
Sign----No you didn't.  
  
"Darn you and your loopholes!"  
  
As they lit the fire, the swans began attacking the Queen.  
  
"Burn tauri, burn."  
  
"Hey. We're attacking the Queen here. Would you like to help?"  
  
"Pitiful humans."  
  
"Get bent."  
  
Sign----Hey! Your shirts are finished.  
  
So Sam threw the shirts on the swans. They changed back into their normal selves.  
  
"Yay."  
  
The Queen died.  
  
"Yay."  
  
And everyone was happy. They were back to normal, with the exception of Bra'tac. He managed to get his shirt half a minute late, so his arm remained a swan's arm.  
  
"I suppose this is a bridge that I'll have to cross."  
  
Yup. Sam could talk, which made Martouf happy. Martouf only had to sleep on the couch for a week. Teal'c went back to claim his title as King and challenged the System Lords. Apothis decided to become his rival. Nareem decided to go back to his homeworld. Bra'tac joined Teal'c in his quest to destroy the System Lords. And Daniel decided to work at the SGC. The end.  
  
"You're going down this time."  
  
"Just admit it, Klorel. You can't beat me."  
  
What are you doing with those Gou'ald glider things?  
  
"We're going to race them. Wanna come?"  
  
Sure!  
  
THE END.  
  
  
  
  



End file.
